Dear Pamela,
I hate my bed. Every night I am beyond exhausted when I get into bed, but I simply cannot fall asleep. I toss and turn. Eventually, I fall asleep. When my alarm goes off, I am sleeping like a stone and pull myself out of the bed like the walking dead.
I get up at 5 to take a workout class at the gym, get my kids to school, work from home, and then after school, I turn into a chauffeur and tutor.
It has been getting worse and worse.
I know my hormones are off. I have heard perimenopause can cause sleep issues and I am right at that age. Is this my first symptom? Am I just supposed to get used to this?
Sincerely,
Walking Dead, Hate-My-Bed
Dear Hate-My-Bed,
I am getting a type A vibe from your letter. I am betting these days packed with commitment and stress aren’t new.
The thing that is new is the way your body is responding. You used to be able to run yourself into the ground and pass out in bed, no problem. Now, no bueno.
So, yes. We can safely blame the hormones.
What this really means for us, is our bodies are less willing to put up with our shit.
Just asking, when do you relax? Is it while you are doing a 6am HIIT class or when you are navigating the emotional landmines of teen homework time?
That’s what I thought. You don’t have time to relax.
You full-sprint through the day and launch yourself into bed, sticking the landing like an olympic gymnast finishing a floor routine, then lay there being mad you aren’t asleep already.
Your body is thinking, “What do you expect? All day I have been exhausted and you have pushed me to perform anyway, now you want me to change the plan entirely? There’s no pleasing you.”
Your goal is clear: love your body into falling asleep with these 2 steps:
1: Create a Sleep Ritual
Pick 2-6 simple, actions to do before bed, like: brush teeth, wash face, clean off counter, read (a real paper) book for 10 minutes, restroom, earplugs in, lights out.
This let’s your body anticipate sleep and transition out of work mode.
Put a ban on stress-landmines like social media, news articles, or one last email check. Have you looked at any of those recently and thought, “ahhhh, all is right in the world, now I can rest”?
You might be thinking, who has time for this? Oh, you do. Remember those hours you spent rolling around in frustration? Invest thirty minutes winding down to save hours of bed-hating.
2: Learn to chill (even though you are busy)
Your central nervous system system has two paths.
The sympathetic system is our performance side, where we workout, stress out, crush to-do lists, and dazzle the world.
The parasympathetic system is our rest side where we rebuild so we can perform again.
If we want to be good at flipping the switch to sleep at night, we need to practice toggling it on and off a couple times during the day.
Here is the thing, I saw your schedule and I get it. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Except… slowing down how you Breathe & Eat is the ultimate hack to sneaking in parasympathetic activation.
Breathe
You don’t need to set aside special times to breathe (although if you can, yes, do that, meditation will extend your life).
Grab some deep breaths when you are: driving, taking a bathroom break, washing dishes, walking out to grab the mail, after logging out of a meeting, walking to your car…..basically any time you can remember to slow down your breathing, you can realize the benefit.
Eat
Use any time you chew as a time to flip the parasympathetic switch.
- Take smaller bites
- Chew your food more times
- Put your fork down between bites
- Sit back in your chair between bites
You will enjoy your food more, be less likely to overeat, improve digestion, AND use that time to switch into parasympathetic pathway.
Be patient. As you try these new practices, it might take some time for your body to catch on.
In the meantime, don’t stress about it. If you hop in bed and think, “am I in for another miserable night?” Yes, you will be. See each night as a fresh opportunity and be stupidly optimistic every time.
Wishing you sweet dreams,
Coach Pamela
